Blackbird

Journey of a girl who wants to renew her life

There goes the title and what my status would be, atleast for a year from now. :)

I'm in London now. With work to do and boys to kiss. 

How successful shall I be?

How will my wholistic personality develop?

Will I have an anchor in life?

More questions, extreme seeking, follies, risks and many more for the lack of words right now. :D 

Blackbird

Trickle Trickle! Confounded by boys!

Boys. I still don't know how to handle them. First they are nice, they compliment, they give you the vibes 'you are perfect the way you are'. You are then comfortable with them. This period differs from person to person. There are various influencing factors like how open both of them are, especially the girl, and is the boy willing to go the extra mile and have truck loads of everlasting patience to break the walls and reach her heart for her to trickle trust little by little and open up; why is the guy interested - is it a challenge or genuine interest; mediums of conversations and social interactions; influencing friends circle and may be some more. Then comes the period where you are attached to them, the good days are amazing days and the bad days are just made worse by their self condescending. When they flirt (and I have no intention in a romantic relationship. these are good friend materials) and they moral compass kicks in and wonder where to draw the line. Then you cut them off and change topic and they treat that as rude behavior. They express in such a way that that is the rudest thing they were ever told. *rolls eyes* I know how to spoil it further but don't know how to bring it back on track. Boys Boys - men. Will I ever learn how to be with them, handle them. How to differentiate between my man and the rest.
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Blackbird

Simple pleasures

I got my baby back! My laptop is back with me. I'm so happy. First thing i did was to check out all the pictures I could. They were so calming! And I realized I don't look that bad with my specs on. Also realized that I've some very good pics in beautiful locale. I think I'm beginning to accept myself for who I'm. *pensive*
So hopefully I'll come back for more regular updates. I've couple of thoughts in draft, one of which I lost because mobile LJ app does not have the feature to save draft apparently! :(
  • Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Blackbird

Beautiful relationships

Everyone knows that we have 5 senses, sense of sight, sense of hearing, sense of touch, sense of smell and sense of taste. I should say that these senses make our life beautiful, excess is gluttony and that has its side effects, but with a little discernment, it lifts us. It also enhances other aspects in our brain. Like these senses are their base.

Likewise are our relationships with people. It gives us a sense of completeness when we engage with people using all these senses. People are of different types, with different predominant characteristics, hence when we engage with all our 5 senses, we even out the upper hand anyone may have.

Blackbird

Passengers Movie

So I watched this movie called "Passengers" because a friend shared a quote from it. I'm on a mission to unravel this friend, so I kind of try watching and listening to everything he shares.

This movie reminded me of the simple decisions I've taken in my life which was a giant leap in hindsight. I used to pity myself and be miserable for all the things I did not have or because few things were not served to me in silver platter. Looking around, one day, I saw that people who have less than me are also very happy. I understood that as do the best you can with what you have to be worthy of things when they happen full fledged. Now, when i look back, that was the best motivation i gave myself, because when I started enjoying the moments and the small things I had, good things started happening to me, better things in fact. It was even better than those people whose happiness inspired me. We do inspire each other at different points don't we. : )

Hmmm, then the movie also reminded me of this boy I used to crush on last year. He is a travel freak and looks seemingly very good with swimming. (Shhh, secret, I've been stalking him and finding as much as I can about him. Guilty! Guilty! In my defense, I avoid stalking and finding out about people...I prefer direct interaction. That way people remember and connections are made. Guilty still. : D). There was this scene in the movie where Chris Pratt holds a seemingly nervous Jennifer Lawrence and floats around the space from the spaceship's deck. I've always thought of a similar scene while learning to swim with this guy. I'm still a nervous wreck when it comes to swimming. :)

On another note, I met a lady on the bus who had come to Bangalore to be part of "Shivrathri" celebrations. In the half an hour or so talking session we had, we covered a wide range of topics. From, is bangalore safe for women, changing mentality of men and the safety that we must take where ever we are, corruption of govt officials, demonetization impact on it, builder politicians , PMO grievances site, working women, marriage, arranged and love marriages, men have not kept up with the times, women have matured a lot, possessive men, harassing men, her daughter's married life. So many things.

So, she randomly brought this topic about her daughter that how she was speaking about marriage having taken out even the simple joys like birthday wishes from friends. Those reminders FB sends when its your birthday means atleast someone wishes you! The lady was like, marriage is all about adjustments and its mostly only from the girls side. One needs to have career and goals and shouldn't expect marriage to be the only source of joy. She also thinks that her daughter rushed into marriage due to peer pressure. As she started saying that, I told her - 'Why do you only look at your married friends? Look at your single friends too na. How they live their life?'. Then she spoke about the guy asking her money in spite of earning well, inducing guilt in her that they didn't spend enough during their wedding. She told her, 'Next time he tries to speak like this, ask him directly that, does he want dowry? Then we'll take it from there.' And to top this, this was an arranged marriage to an IIT graduate! And we spoke about few more details and few others marriage stories as well.

Got me thinking, why did I meet this lady and get into a conversation about so many things? Marriage and career being the most prominent topic. Is it the universe consoling me? Is it the universe asking me to concentrate on my career? Is the universe trying to say to me that - no matter what, the right person will stay, love and support, no matter what? And that one person who I keep wondering is right for me or not, is not actually the one? I need to be lioness rather than a Pomeranian that only barks!
Blackbird

Thoughts. Pent up thoughts!

I was kind of worrying about all the things in the world that i want to speak and share but the friends that I would like to throw such random stuffs (either because I'm following it or expecting to fast-track my learning based on their inputs) are unavailable to me. Complicated matters, when heart gets involved. Anyways, i need to put across my thoughts and probably I'll research a little more if I've to write about it rather than going on with in the conversational way gathering energy and knowledge from the other person. It'll also help reducing my undue dependence on people for random topic discussions and give quality time. And when we do engage in such topics, I'll have more to bring to the table than otherwise.

With that motivation and reading the blogs of some acquaintance (which I was doing until now), I decided to start LJing again. It'll be my ramblings and musings and need not make sense to anyone else. I hope I can transfer some of that not required energy and time for friends, writing here. Time which is the shortest commodity I own.
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Blackbird

Friend hicupps

Catching up with friends with whom you have spent couple of days, and then never kept in touch is not an easy thing. You usually need a catalyst to initiate... like in my case my cousin who also spent those few days but bothered to keep in touch.

Sometimes i wonder whether the trust issues i had been brought up with...i mean don't trust anyone especially strangers bit, i think i've taken it too far. Just can't talk straight to anyone and form relationships. Some how with effort i'm able to make initial step...now its time to take the next steps to sustain that friendship. As i read in an article, its important to extend the hand of friendship without being self conscious. And then also realize that some may become close friends, some may become regular friends but with out the closeness, some may just not be interested, also keep in mind some may be time dependent. Realizing this will help accepting the various events that may follow and prevent you from thinking of yourself as a failure when you make friends.

It was a happy family. They have their little short comings and struggles but they are happy. I don't want to compare with mine...but somehow knowing others is healing me. That my family can be normal by accepting each other and communicating with each other. :)
Blackbird

Strange Relationships

10 years...and still the sight of your name makes my heart skip a beat
I can never be numb to you
My heart can get used to the ache but it will never ignore you
The happiness you fill me with...with even the silliest things...makes it all worth it
Remember this is not a love story.
Blackbird

Kattale Belaku - A play

Took time off from office to see a play called "Kattale Belaku" (meaning Darkness is Light) in Ranga Shankara. The language was Kannada. Pretty interesting it was. The main story was basically about a writer's dilemma on his worth and the kind of stories he wrote vs the kind of stories he like. More than the message, i liked the little bits in the play.

1. There was a scary looking person constantly saying "Solu" (meaning Failure) whenever the writer engages in a conversation with himself admiring his accomplishments or worthlessness of it. The scary person might be to represent the 'fear of failure'... i'm guessing. I liked the way the actor expressed his restlessness and his fear.
2. There were two people, maybe producers, who were convincing him to write plays for him so that they can produce and direct it. The conversations that goes on between them takes many funny turns and this one guy who is mostly quiet on words gives the punch funny lines whenever he talks.
3. Then in intervals there was this adivasi gang of god knows what makes entry with loud noises and creepiness. If at all any boredom was creeping by, their periodic entry was refreshing.
I had difficulty with language as i'm not very proficient in Kannada along with multiple dialects used but it was interesting to listen and learn. This was the first group play i'm watching and enjoyed it too. The previous two i've watched are performed by solo artists on stage.

I was so stressed before the play and suddenly during the play i felt so relaxed and had a constant smile which i felt was like Jesus' disciples. :D

P.S: I went back to office to collect my bag and i was so late. (Walk of about half an hour as i couldn't find an auto rickshaw to get back). I should have just come to watch the play with my bag. I reached home around 11 whereas i could have reached by 10. Not to mention the wait by Ola Cabs and subsequent cancellation because of their faulty location detector app. I was so angry for being stranded on a lonely road. It was an auto fellow en route that was kind enough to take me with normal charge.
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